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Jokes
Things That Might Piss People Off
Things Not To SAy To a Police Officer
Childrens Books You Might Never See
Blonde Jokes
Old Woman And The Face Lift
Jokes About Males - i guess by now u know the webmaster is female
The Religious Man and The Atheist
Top 11 Saturday Morning Cartoon Characters That Never Made It
Top 9 Seldom Watched Cable Channels
Top 8 Commercial Slogans Of Failed Banks
Top 7 Unproven Hair Replacement Methods
Top 9 Tasteless New Game Shows
Top 10 Charities No One Ever Donates To
Top 21 Things To Do At A Boring Movie
Top 10 Unpopular Carnival Games and Rides
Employee Evaluation
Some Curious Quotes I Found To Be Interesting

Things That Might Piss People Off
if u have anything that could be added on to this list, Email me them and i'll give u credit for them. Back To Jokes
Top 12 things not to say to a police officer Back To Jokes
CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU WILL NEVER SEE Back To Jokes

Top 11 Saturday Morning Cartoon Characters That Never Made It

  1. Lumpy, The Nicotine Addicted Mule
  2. Governor Horse
  3. Hostage Boy
  4. Speedee Cafeinee
  5. The Lil' While Supremacists
  6. Huck and Muck, The Tax-Evading Beavers
  7. Commander Spittle
  8. Obese Wrestlers in Outer Space
  9. Those Lovable Illegal Aliens
  10. The MacNeil/Lehrer Babies
  11. Stony, The Caveman Fred Was Seeing Behind Wilma's Back
Back To Jokes

Top 9 Seldom Watched Cable Channels

  1. The Thimble Channel
  2. Nixon at Night
  3. The Technical Difficulties SuperStation
  4. The Home Mopping Network
  5. Gnome TV
  6. 24-hour Ventriloquist Talk
  7. The All Flossing Channel
  8. Turkish Infomercials Satellite Service
  9. ShatnerVision
Back To Jokes

Top 8 Commercial Slogans Of Failed Banks

  1. In and Out in Two Hours-We Promise!
  2. The Bank That Never Opens
  3. Free Time and Temperature With Every Deposit
  4. The Home Of Styrofoam Safe Deposit Boxes
  5. We'll Try To Talk You Out of Your Next Withdrawal
  6. Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender be
  7. Count Your Change!
  8. Where There's a Drunk At Every Automatic Teller Machine
Back To Jokes

Top 7 Unproven Hair Replacement Methods

  1. Saul's Miracle Fish Glue
  2. The Scalp Rivet System
  3. The Interior Brain Push Regimen
  4. The Amazing Pollicle Flush Technique
  5. Dick Van Patten's Hair Now
  6. Dutch Boy Head Paint and Varnish
  7. The Shower Drain Hair Harvesting System
Back To Jokes

Top 9 Tasteless New Game Shows

  1. Celebrity Pet Lickers
  2. Spread-eagled and Ridiculed
  3. The All New Humiliate Your Date!
  4. The Newlydead Game
  5. Close Your Eyes and Taste It
  6. Guess That Rash!
  7. Drinking and Driving For Dollars
  8. What's My Psychological Problem?
  9. Drop It On The Handicapped
Back To Jokes

Top 10 Unpopular Carnival Games and Rides

  1. Hit Yourself In The Head With a Mallet
  2. Dunk the Vengeful Violent Psychotic
  3. The Upside Down Upchucker
  4. The Saliva Slide
  5. Yank a Vagrant's Tooth
  6. Check The Clowns For Hernias
  7. Guess Your Threshold of Pain
  8. Throw A Rock Through Your Windshield
  9. Shave The Rabid Racoon
  10. Bumper Hats
Back To Jokes

Top 10 Charities No One Ever Donates To

  1. Save The Millionaires
  2. Nuclear Arms For Iraq Relief Agency
  3. Wildlife Extermination Fund
  4. Addict The Children
  5. Citizens For The Elimination of Lifeguards
  6. Skinhead Anti-Defamation League
  7. The Adopt-A-Cockroach Foundation
  8. Sunburn Victim's Relief Fund
  9. Musicians For The Destruction Of Walden Pond
  10. Abolish Golf In Our Lifetime
Back To Jokes
Blonde Jokes
if ur a blonde, please do not get offended by this. It is only a joke. And I do not need hate mail in my mailbox

A blonde was out for a drive in her new Corvette when she cut off a truck
driver. He motioned for her to pull over, and when she did, he got out of
his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on
the road and told the blonde, "Stand in the circle and don't move!" He
then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around,
she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny,
watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every
window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her
face. Getting mad, he gets his knife back out and slashes her tires. The
blonde starts laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it, so
he goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and
sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about
to fall down. "What's so funny, damn it?" The blonde replies, "When you
weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times!"


A blonde went into a video store to check out some videos. She wanted some
excitement so she decided to check out a X-rated movie. After countless
hours of going through the video collection, she finally picks a video
out. She went home, lit some candles, turned off the lights and turned on
the movie. But all she saw was static. So she called the company who made
it and asked why all she saw was static. The company representative asked
her what the name of the movie was and the blonde replied, "Head Cleaner." Back To Jokes


Face Lift
A middle aged woman went to her cosmetic surgeon to see what her options were concerning her rapidly sagging face. "We can give you an old fashioned face-lift, or we can use a new high-tech procedure called the knob."
"What is the knob, doctor?", she asked.
"It is a procedure where we install a knob under the hair on the back of your head. We then connect it to the facial muscles which sag, and when you see new wrinkles and sagging, you just tighten the knob a few turns and your skin is nice and tight again."
"Oh, yes! That is what I would like to have", she replied excitedly. The operation was a complete success and she looked 15 years younger.
As time passed, when she would notice new sagging, she would simply tighten the knob and viola! Her face was beautiful again.
One day about 8 years later she woke up one morning and saw very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she called her doctor and reported the bags.
"You had better get right over and let me check this out!" the doctor replied.
After examining her, he said "the bags under your eyes are your breasts."
To which she said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee!" Back To Jokes
Subject: Men, Woman and Punctuation Marks
An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:* "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote:* "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Back To Jokes
Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.

Why do men have a spine?
If they didn´t, they´d suck their dicks all day long.

Men - Can't live with them, can't play mind games without them!

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

How could Will Rogers say, "I never met a man I didn't like"?
He never had to date one.

What do you do if you see a field full of men?
Smile.....and reload your gun.

How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

Diamonds are a girls best friend. A dog is a mans best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Why is it dangerous to let your mans mind wander?
It's too little to be out alone.

The only reason men are on the planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy the drinks.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: Why did Viagra come out with a nasal spray?
A: For dickheads

Back To Jokes


Religious Man And The Atheist
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above,,,,,,,,, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
Back To Jokes
    Top 21 Things To Do At A Boring Movie
  1. Wear a top hat.
  2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!
  3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
  4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
  5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
  6. Start wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juiji Fruits for you asthma.
  7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
  8. Whenever the badguy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!"
  9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
  10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
  11. Yell out what is going to happen.
  12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
  13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
  14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend already is.
  15. Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!"
  16. Gently, very softly, place a single pooped kernel of corn on the head of the person in front of you.
  17. Scream out, "Hey, this isn't Bambi!"
  18. Stare at the person sitting across the aisle from you,then quickley look back at the screen when they notice, then stare at them again when they turn back to the screen.
  19. See if you can get a moistened Jujy Fruit to stick tothe screen. Yell to the projectionist, "Can you pause it? I gotta pee!"

Back To Jokes
Employee Evaluation
Be sure to read through to the bottom...
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I
wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Back To Jokes


    Some Quotes I Found To Be Interesting
  1. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  2. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  3. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  4. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  5. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  6. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
  7. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
  8. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  9. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  11. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  13. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
  14. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  15. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  17. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  18. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  19. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
  20. A fool and his money are soon partying.
  21. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Back To Jokes

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