Gee, what a nice Christmas surprise. The collected wisdom of John Rocker, closer for the Aegean Cavemen, who led the Paleolithic League in saves in the year 10,000 B.C.
Archaeologists have evidence that Rocker celebrated by beating his chest, screaming and dining on an uncooked member of the pork family.
He told the magazine that he would retire before playing for a New York team and then added:
John Rocker better make sure he doesn't miss the team bus the next time he goes to Shea Stadium. He sure won't find any fans on the No. 7 subway train through Queens.
It's coming from a guy who not only works in a multicultural environment but travels and even undresses amid white people, Latino people, black people. Players with lots of different backgrounds. Fans who pay for tickets and buy products advertised on televised games have every reason to demand an explanation.
That would be so much more courageous if said to the person's face, in which case Rocker might end up as a flattened pig.
10. RuPaul is waiting...and she is pissed!
9. NYC cabbies won't accept Confederate Doubloons.
8. Hard for hillbillies to find possum innards on the menu in NYC.
7. He may run into his former gay middle eastern lover.
6. This is the time of year where New Yorkers are looking for a human sacrifice to ring in the New Year.
5. Sun is not strong enough to maintain deep red color on his neck.
4. No trailer parks in Manhattan.
3. Would be the first white man in New York unable to catch a cab in midtown.
2. Wearing a bullet-proof vest would throw off his curve!
1. The statue of liberty may use her torch to give him a rectal exam.
In an unfortunate turn of history, though, the scrawls on the wall of Rocker's cave survived. They were translated and published in 1999 by Sports Illustrated. Hey, gang, good timing. Thanks for the holiday cheer at a time of year when most people are trying to concentrate on what's good in the world.
The Atlanta Braves pitcher didn't miss a beat. There is so much that is so offensive, Pat Buchanan is even wincing.
"Imagine having to take the (No.) 7 train to (Shea Stadium) looking like you're (in) Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing.
"The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners," Rocker said. "I'm not a very big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"
Maybe the same way several of the players on the Braves' roster did. Three were born in Venezuela, three in the Dominican Republic, two in Panama, one in Mexico, one in Australia and two in Curacao.
That big endorsement deal from Disney is coming any minute, John.
The inclination by some might be to ignore this stuff as the ignorant ramblings of an athlete who is no more worthy of attention than any garden variety bigot.
But what's really scary is that it's not coming from someone hunkered down in a shack in Montana. He doesn't wear a hood (one assumes). He doesn't have followers (one hopes).
Listen up, Major League Baseball. Do something about this guy. He's angry and full of enough intolerance to cover just about everyone.
It's probably naïve to think people with different backgrounds playing the same game, practicing and sweating to achieve an athletic goal together, is one of the good things about sports. Maybe Rocker even had a few conversations with his non-white teammates.
But in the SI article, he refers to an overweight black teammate as "a fat monkey."
John Rocker had no problem going off on 'foreigners' despite the fact a lot of his teammates come from foreign countries.(AP)
One remembers him as a rookie during a playoff series against the Chicago Cubs. He seemed a good go-to guy for a quote -- approachable, brash, talkative. Likable, even.
Taking on New York City during the playoffs was certainly a cause more than a few people around the country would support. Rocker soaked up the media attention that ensued.
Now look at him.
This has to be condemned, even though it's so easy. How many people really share those beliefs?
If he had just stuck to baseball, it would have been OK. Amid the trash in the article, there were nuggets of something that actually shed some light on the Atlanta Braves' clubhouse other than the presence of the first negative IQ in history.
"I don't think having the atmosphere of a doctor's office helps," Rocker said.
Now we're on to something that's fair game.
But we're talking about turning back the clock in a way baseball shouldn't accept.
Top Ten reasons John Rocker shouldn't travel to New York any time soon